Cultivating Authenticity

The other day I read an excerpt from the book "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown on authenticity and I was reminded on how simplistic being authentic is and should be, on one hand, and yet most of us struggle being so because of the energy and awareness that it takes to be truly authentic.  She says, "authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are."

She also reminds us that it is our choice. It is a choice that we make with every decision, every interaction, and every feeling. It is that choice that allows us the ability to be authentic all the time, and it is that choice that takes constant self awareness and energy. "The idea that we can choose authenticity makes most of us feel both hopeful and exhausted. We feel hopeful because being real is something we value. We feel exhausted because most of us know that choosing authenticity is a huge undertaking."

Can We Train Ourselves to Succeed in Relationships?

A theory emerged to describe the basic traits that serve as the building blocks of personality. The "Big Five" Personality Traits, as they are often referred to, are broad categories of personality traits that can be broken down into:

1. Extraversion: characteristics such as excitability, sociability, talkativeness, assertiveness and high amounts of emotional expressiveness.
2. Agreeableness: includes attributes such as trust, altruism, kindness, affection, and other pro-social behaviors.
3. Conscientiousness: include high levels of thoughtfulness, with good impulse control and goal-directed behaviors. Those high in conscientiousness tend to be organized and mindful of details.
4. Neuroticism: Individuals high in this trait tend to experience emotional instability, anxiety, moodiness, irritability, and sadness.
5. Openness: This trait features characteristics such as imagination and insight, and those high in this trait also tend to have a broad range of interests.

The "Big Five" Personality Traits examines the individual differences in people. We can use these differences to identify how someone might perform in certain work environments or tasks.

To Just Be for a Moment

"The most relaxing activities may be the ones in which we do absolutely nothing. And if we can do nothing amid the sounds of nature - birds chirping, water bubbling in a brook, the wind rustling in the trees - so much the better. During these moments, away from the noise and chaos of our fast-paced, stress-filled lives, we commune most directly with nature. Without distraction, our bodies can totally relax; there is no danger, no need to be ready to respond to anything. All we have to do is be." 

That quote is from the book: Body, Mind, and Spirit and it reminds me to slow down, to smell and taste the rain, to hear the chirping of birds, the rustling of leaves and the beating of my innerds. Reality can be a difficult place to live. Sometimes it seems impossible to stay in the here and now. From time to time we all revisit the past, yearn for the future or stress/worry about what is going on around us. This is natural.

Still, we can strive to be in the present, to just be, for as many moments as we can. When we can stop and just be for a moment, not only can we find clarity, direction, and strength but we can hear our passions, values and dreams that can get silenced by the daily grind of our lives. We don't need to be in the middle of nature to be "in nature". Whether we are downtown or in the countryside can we slow down or stop long enough to just be for the moment.

Today, may we all find time to just be long enough to hear the sounds of nature and the beating of our innerds.

Using Marshmallows to Increase Employee Productivity

Walter Mischel’s 1960's Marshmallow Study is one of the best-known self-control studies. Mischel took children, put them in a room by themselves, gave them a treat (a marshmallow), and the following deal: They could eat the treat right away, or wait 15 minutes until the experimenter returned. If they waited, they would get an extra marshmallow. Tracking the kids over many years, Mischel found that the ability to hold out in this seemingly trivial exercise had real and profound consequences. As they matured and became adults, the kids who had shown the ability to wait got better grades, were healthier, enjoyed greater professional success, and proved better at staying in relationships—even decades after they took the test.

In a new study (PDF), Celeste Kidd, found evidence that, in addition to self-control, children’s wait-times are regulated by rational decision-making process that considers environmental reliability. Kidd’s own version of the Marshmallow Study was designed to test the effect of trust; being either unreliable or reliable. In the first part of the study, the researchers handed over a piece of paper and a jar of used crayons, then told a child to either use those crayons or wait for a better set of art supplies. For half the kids, the experimenter kept the bargain, returning with a loaded tray of markers, crayons, and colored pencils. For the other half, the experimenter returned a few minutes later to say, apologetically, that there weren't in fact any better art supplies.

Think, Act, and Communicate From the Inside Out

Many people can express what they believe is their life’s purpose, but often it is unsupported by real conviction or action. We express our rational thoughts, but in order to support it with real conviction or action it needs to be derived from our personal why.

The personal why are our innerds. Innards are our internal organs. I use the word innerds (inner) to reflect our values and passions. Why does this have meaning or significance? Why am I doing this? Why am I compelled to feel this way?

The results, outside forces or characteristics is the what, the action, or context of our lives. The outer what involves the neocortex or the outer layers of the brain. It supports "higher functions" such as sensory perception, generation of motor commands, conscious thought and language. It is our ability to be rational, factual, logical, detail-oriented, textual, and statistical. We can get caught up in an endless circular analysis of trying to comprehend or correct the outer what. Most often with little satisfaction or understanding of those forces because we can’t make rational sense of it or control all of the actions.  

“When we communicate from the outside in,

people can understand vast amounts of information,

but it doesn't drive decision-making” – Simon Sinek

We derive decision-making and action through our innerds. The personal why involves the Limbic brain. It is a complex set of brain structures that forms the inner border of the cortex. It supports a variety of functions, including emotion, behavior, motivation, and long-term memory. It is primarily responsible for our decision-making, context, and instinct.The personal why is where we get the passion for sustainable action.

When we live in accordance to our personal why, we THINK, ACT, and COMMUNICATE from the inside out.  Our decisions are formed from our innerds. When we sincerely take our values and passions to heart, we improve our performance and achieve more fulfillment and purpose in life.