When people have stress, problems, or difficulties sometimes they avoid it like a mud puddle. Some people have the idea that if they avoid the mud puddle all of the stress, problems and difficulties that are associated with it will go away as well. That is rarely the case. After repeated attempts to avoid, mask or ignore the mud puddle, we more often than not find ourselves right in front of that puddle once again. We tend to repeat behaviors or patterns until we understand them.
When we are tired of trying to avoid and ignore the mud only to end up in front of it again, we are faced with dealing with it. Somehow we need to cross through the mud, stress, and problem to get to the other side to find resolution or to gain a better understanding of the situation.
I have seen too many people, myself included, try to cross through the mud puddle unsuccessfully. Wanting to "get through it" as quickly as possible, trying to avoid the cold, messy, uncomfortableness, usually means that they are not truly ready to deal with it at its truest level. They will go through some motions or actions but they are not willing or ready to get to the heart of the stress, problem or difficulty. They are focused on the everything but themselves. As if people were driving a monster truck through a small lake of thick mud, they put the gas peddle to the floor and try to power their way through the slippery, slimy mud.
As the driver is fully engulfed in the mud, the wheels start to slip and spin. As the wheels spin, mud spews up everywhere. They can't see where they are going, but they are moving fast. The driver may feel uncomfortable, cold, and certainly getting dirty themselves as the monster truck is slipping and spinning in the mud. Trying to avoid the uncomfortableness of being in the thick of it all, they hit the gas peddle more in an effort to get out of the situation faster. They hit clumps of mud and rock and it bounces and turns them left and right.
Now the adrenaline is really flowing. The breathing picks up and because the wheels are spinning they have a false sense of progress. The truth is that they have no traction. They are spinning at the surface and are not addressing the heart of the stress, problem or difficulty. They are so focused on "getting out" that they can't focus on where they are.
After what seems to be "forever", the driver finally reaches solid ground and releases the gas peddle. The spewing mud settles, the adrenaline reduces, they start to breathe normally again as the mud starts to flow off the windshield. As the world comes back into view, they try to get there bearings.
Sometimes they find themselves where they wanted to be; on the other side of the mud puddle. They have temporarily worked through the stress, problem or difficulty. More often than not, they find that they were off course and ended up somewhere they didn't want to be, but at least they weren't in the cold, uncomfortable mud anymore. This isn't too surprising as they couldn't even see where they were going.
The reality is when people blindly go through the the stress, problem or difficulties of their lives, they too often get a false sense of progress and are not truly dealing with the stress or problem. They end up on the wrong side or at least not where they belong. The adrenaline was pumping, the wheels were moving but they were more focused on getting out of the mess and ugliness of the situation that they didn't take the time to look at themselves and what got them there in the first place. They may find themselves more deflated or frustrated as they discover that the pattern that created the stress, problem or difficulty is still there.
I offer another perspective or route through the mud puddles of our lives. When we are willing to stay in the mud, get dirty and discover ourselves we have a greater chance of ending up where we belong. Instead of putting the gas peddle to the floor, keep it at a level where the mud doesn't spew up. We keep our sights focused on where we are and where we want to go or be. The wheels may still slip and with our slower speed it will certainly take us longer to get out of the mud. Our journey will be messy and cold, but with the reduced speed we can focus less on our driving and more on ourselves. The driving isn't distracting us from seeing ourselves. We are more calm. We are more open to being true to ourselves. We can learn about ourselves. And through that process come out more knowledgeable with a stronger sense of who we are and what our role was in creating the stress, problem or difficulty. Our direction is more clear and we are less likely to repeat or end up in front of that same mud puddle.
